There's good news and bad news on the marriage front. Fortunately, fewer marriages are ending in divorce these days than they have in years past. The bad news? The number of unhappy marriages keeps going up!
If you're terrified your marriage is one of them (or is going to become one of them), you have to take an honest look at it on a regular basis. After all, a marriage doesn't just fall apart in one day. It takes time to reach the desperate point where you're trying to figure out if you should stick it out for the kids' sake or call a divorce lawyer. If you know how to spot the signs of marriage trouble right away, the odds are you can fix them before you reach the point of no return.
Think of it like the hero in an action movie. He may get shot, run over by a car, or fall off the roof, but he manages to get up and keep going. Just when you think he's down for the count, he gets up and reaches out for help one more time. There's nothing wrong with getting up and asking for help in your marriage. And you should if you spot any of these 8 signs of marriage trouble:
1. It's not fun anymore.
You thought you married your best friend, but every time you try to do something fun, you're both miserable. Instead of ignoring your feelings, figure out what it'll take to make things fun again.
2. The compliments are long gone.
Marriage doesn't mean living a life where all you say is, "No, you're prettier". But if you and your spouse never have anything nice to say about each other, it's a big problem. It becomes an even bigger problem if those compliments have been replaced by criticism. If this compliment-less life goes on long enough, you'll both assume you can't do anything right - and you won't bother to try to do anything.
3. You live for alone time.
Everyone needs some space, but if you actually have a much better time when your spouse isn't around, your marriage is in trouble.
4. You're the real-life version of The Odd Couple.
If you're a neat-freak and he's a bit of a slob, you may resent the fact you're always cleaning up after him. The Odd Couple may be cute and endearing on a television screen, but it's anything but in real life! This is a problem that's only going to get bigger if you don't address it ASAP.
5. You don't share a financial philosophy.
Money can be a major marriage issue - especially if one of you is a spender and the other is a saver. This problem is definitely a biggie if your bills aren't getting paid, but even if they are, it's still something you need to work out.
6. You've gone from hot to cold.
The physical side of your marriage is an important one. If you've lost all sense of intimacy or sexual activity, it's a sign the love in your marriage is deteriorating. It could also be a sign one of you is having an affair.
7. You avoid the future like the plague.
Remember when it was fun to talk about your future goals and plans? If you and your spouse suddenly don't have the same goals - or refuse to talk about the future altogether - it's a problem that's only going to get worse.
8. You thought your spouse would change.
You may have spotted some of these issues before you walked down the aisle but hoped you could work your magic charm and change your spouse. But guess what? A leopard can't change his spots.
Working on your marriage can mean doing all kinds of different things. It can be as simple as resolving to communicate with your spouse more often - and doing so openly and honestly, without fear. Or, it can mean reading some marriage improvement books. Or, it can mean sitting down with a qualified therapist. Whichever route you choose to take, do it now. If you allow your emotions to spiral out of control, you may never be able to solve your marriage problems.
And sometimes, divorce really is the best option. If you've legitimately tried to fix these problems and it didn't work, don't be ashamed to get divorced. Love really isn't blind, no matter what the poetry says. If you and your spouse have determined there's no other alternative besides divorce, get it over with as soon as you can. Divorces can be devastating for the entire family, but it's better to have an amicable breakup than an emotionally-charged, negative situation that lingers and doesn't give you the opportunity to deal with it and move on.
In an article he wrote on the subject, Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy, Wallace D. Wattles wrote:
"There is much talk about marital unrest, and much criticism of the marriage institution; it is admitted by all that too many marriages are failures, and it is claimed by many that most marriages are failures; but it is not denied by any one that some marriages are successful.
To admit that five per cent of all marriages are successful is to admit that all marriages might be made successful; for the couples who compose the five per cent are not in any way different from the ninety-five per cent; they are in all walks of life, and subject to all environments and conditions; they are just average people, and if they make a success of marriage others could make a success of it by following the same methods; for like causes, under like conditions, must produce like effects.
If we stop theorizing, sermonizing, lecturing and legislating upon marriage, and apply constructive science, we shall find out the conditions of successful marriages, and learn how to create them in every case. We must study the constructive use of the forces which draw men and women into the married state and hold them there."
If you'd like to turn your unhappy marriage into a happy marriage before it's too late, I highly recommend you read Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy along with its companion article, A Second Courtship, both written by Wallace D. Wattles. The first contains Mr. Wattles' scientific remedy for marital unhappiness; the second is a fictional case study of how one man used it to save his failed marriage from an almost certain divorce. Click or tap the link below to get your copies today.
Click or tap here to get Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy and A Second Courtship along with a eighty-two other rare books and articles by Wallace D. Wattles on Amazon Kindle.
Click or tap here to get special enhanced versions of Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy, A Second Courtship, and a third rare relationship article by Wallace D. Wattles on Amazon Kindle.
No Kindle? No problem! Click or tap here to get a free Kindle reading app for your device.
Click or tap here to get Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy and A Second Courtship along with a seventy other rare books and articles by Wallace D. Wattles in paperback on Amazon.
Important Note: The valuable information contained in these two articles can be applied to most any troubled relationship, marital or otherwise.