Tony Mase

How to Make Relationships Better with TLC

We all wish to have a perfect relationship with someone that involves no conflict at all. Unfortunately, this is a rare thing to have happen. All types of relationships are bound to have arguments and disagreements of some kind. They might not happen too often, but they will happen.

For instance, you might not agree with something that someone said to you, such as a teacher, child, spouse, minister, salesperson, parent, and so on. Everyone has their own opinions about everyone and everything. In many cases, you'll find that people don't share your opinion on a variety of things.

When you find yourself in one of these situations, you need to use tender loving care (TLC). You may have heard about TLC before, but never used it. Some might say that TLC should be TLCU, which means tender loving care & understanding.

If you want to improve any relationship that you have with someone, you first need to understand what caused the problem between you two in the first place. If you can find out what happened to cause this conflict, it'll be easier for you to use TLC to remedy it.

There was a classic film which had the line "love means never having to say you're sorry". In other words, if you truly love a person and respect them, then it should be impossible for you to hurt them. If you have to say you're sorry, then you must not love them.

Of course, this is just a saying. You can't expect to find someone who's totally perfect all the time and will never hurt you. If a problem arises, just think objectively about the issue and see it from the other person's perspective. Do you think they feel the same way about you as you do about them in this situation? Thinking about it from their perspective will help you think differently about the situation. Then you can possibly change your perception of it.

Improving a relationship doesn't mean forcing the other person to admit that you're right and they're wrong. If you truly care about this other person, you must show them some respect. Most importantly, have empathy for their situation. If you do, they'll have empathy for yours too.

But don't just use words to show them how much you understand their feelings. This won't improve the relationship in the way that you want. If you can take action or physically do something for them, then this would be better. For instance, if the conflict arose over a material object, perhaps you can do something with this object to make the other person happy (e.g. fix it, replace it).

Communication is very important. When the person tells you how they feel, you need to listen and understand every word. Open communication like this is positive for repairing the relationship you two have. You don't need to be mean or harsh either. The other person may very well be in the wrong here. However, you don't need to throw that in their face and make them feel bad about it. Just keep the communication positive without any blaming or name calling. If there's a disagreement about something, let the person state their case respectfully. This is how you show value for a relationship.

If the person can see that you appreciate and forgive them, it'll make them happy. It takes a big person with a kind heart to forgive someone else that's done them wrong. After all, doesn't a loving relationship mean more than superficial issues? If you can compromise fairly, you can forgive. This might take some practice, but it's truly worth it.

It can feel natural to want to blame someone else when a conflict arises. But first, take a good look at yourself. Are you responsible at all for it? Maybe a little bit? If you accept some responsibility and be realistic about the situation, you can improve almost any relationship that's having problems. Sometimes you may even need to take more responsibility than the other person. But if you can master TLCU, then TLC will seem simple to give.

Want better relationships in your life?

Although he never wrote The Science of Winning Love, Wallace D. Wattles did write extensively on the subject, mostly as it related to marriage, but much of what he wrote can be applied to any relationship, marital or otherwise.

Here's a list of what he wrote on the subject in the approximate order in which they were published:

1. Scientific Marriage

Self-published in 1904, this may well be the first book Wallace D. Wattles ever wrote.

2. God: The Servant of Man

Although only the third article in this three-part series of articles by Wallace D. Wattles is directly related to love and marriage, it's necessary to read the first two in order to fully understand the third.

3. "Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy"

This article contains Wallace D. Wattles' simple, step-by-step remedy for marital unhappiness.

4. "Courtship by Absent Treatment"

A most interesting article by a most interesting man. Wallace D. Wattles again touches on the subject of absent treatment in his serial story As a Grain of Mustard Seed (see below).

5. "A Second Courtship"

This article by Wallace D. Wattles is essentially a fictional case study of the practical application of the instructions contained in his "Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy" article (see above).

6. "What the World Owes Us"

Interestingly enough, one of the subtitles of this article by Wallace D. Wattles, the fourteenth of fifteen articles in his Lessons in Constructive Science series, is "The Science of Winning Love".

7. As a Grain of Mustard Seed

This serial story by Wallace D. Wattles can best be described as a fictional case study of the practical application of his philosophy. Although its lessons aren't exclusive to love and marriage, it contains enough on these subjects to warrant inclusion in this list.

8. "Marital Happiness"

This in-depth lesson by Wallace D. Wattles, the eighth of ten lessons in his book The Personal Power Course, ties all the essentials of the science of winning love together into one nice, neat and tidy, package.

All of the rare books and articles by Wallace D. Wattles that are listed above are available in my Wallace D. Wattles Master Collection. Click or tap the link below to get your copy today.

Click or tap here to get my Wallace D. Wattles Master Collection on Amazon Kindle.

No Kindle? No problem! Click or tap here to get a free Kindle reading app for your device.

Prefer paperback?

Click or tap here to get my Wallace D. Wattles Master Collection, Volume 1 in paperback on Amazon.

Click or tap here to get my Wallace D. Wattles Master Collection, Volume 2 in paperback on Amazon.

Note: Some of the above items are available individually and/or in special enhanced versions. Click or tap here to see my Resources page for details.

Related Pages:

Resources

Wallace D. Wattles Master Collection

Related Post:

Did Wallace D. Wattles Ever Write "The Science of Winning Love"?

7 Tips for Surviving That Awful Breakup

Whether you met your sweetie online, in line at a coffee shop, or through friends, breakups are a sad part of life. During one, you're actually grieving a loss - the loss of a relationship that you once had high hopes for. And when those hopes are dashed, it can be miserable.

But you don't have to suffer forever. Feel better sooner by taking advantage of these 7 tips:

1. Make your ex completely off-limits.

Don't call them, text them, email them, or see them. If you know they always head to a certain café or gym, stay away from it. And while you're at it, stay away from places that were significant to the two of you - like the restaurant you went to on your first date, or the park where you used to jog together.

Think you can sneak in a teeny-tiny conversation or a quick email? Think again! You'll instantly be reminded of everything you lost. Right now, your emotions are like an open wound - if you keep picking at the scab, it'll never heal.

2. Let yourself cry.

Keeping all your feelings bottled up won't make them go away. In fact, that'll make you feel worse! So go ahead and cry, get angry, and let out any other emotions you're dealing with.

Just remember - crying all the time isn't healthy, no matter how bad your breakup was. If the tears won't stop flowing, it could be a sign of depression.

3. Tap into your support group.

Lean on your friends and family, and talk to them about what you're going through. If you think you need it, don't be ashamed to talk to a professional therapist. Either way, there are people who can help you feel better if you let them.

4. Think of the future.

Just because you're no longer in a relationship doesn't mean you're doomed to a miserable failure of a life. You're still capable of achieving great things! Take some time to figure out what your hopes, dreams, and goals are now that your ex is no longer in the picture.

5. Spoil yourself.

A special treat can work wonders for your mood, so go get a massage or buy that special something you've been thinking about. You don't have to spend money though. Instead, you can spoil yourself for free by reading your favorite book or lounging in a hot tub.

6. Don't go on the rebound.

It may be tempting to start something with the hottie who keeps winking at you, but don't do it! Jumping into a new relationship before you have a chance to heal from your old one won't work. You're simply not ready, and that's not fair to this new person.

Yes, you need to let love back into your life - eventually. Give yourself some time to heal, and then you'll be able to legitimately move on!

The best tip for surviving that awful breakup?

7. Avoid it in the first place!

In his article Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy, Wallace D. Wattles wrote:

"There is much talk about marital unrest, and much criticism of the marriage institution; it is admitted by all that too many marriages are failures, and it is claimed by many that most marriages are failures; but it is not denied by any one that some marriages are successful.

To admit that five per cent of all marriages are successful is to admit that all marriages might be made successful; for the couples who compose the five per cent are not in any way different from the ninety-five per cent; they are in all walks of life, and subject to all environments and conditions; they are just average people, and if they make a success of marriage others could make a success of it by following the same methods; for like causes, under like conditions, must produce like effects.

If we stop theorizing, sermonizing, lecturing and legislating upon marriage, and apply constructive science, we shall find out the conditions of successful marriages, and learn how to create them in every case. We must study the constructive use of the forces which draw men and women into the married state and hold them there."

The same can be said of any relationship, marital or otherwise.

If you'd like to turn your unhappy relationship into a happy relationship before it's too late, I highly recommend you read Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy along with its companion article, A Second Courtship, both written by Wallace D. Wattles. The first contains Mr. Wattles' scientific remedy for marital unhappiness; the second is a fictional case study of how one man used it to save his failed marriage from an almost certain divorce. Click or tap the links below to get your copies today.

Click or tap here to get Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy and A Second Courtship along with eighty-two other rare books and articles by Wallace D. Wattles on Amazon Kindle.

Click or tap here to get special enhanced versions of Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy, A Second Courtship, and a third rare relationship article by Wallace D. Wattles on Amazon Kindle.

No Kindle? No problem! Click or tap here to get a free Kindle reading app for your device.

Prefer paperback?

Click or tap here to get Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy and A Second Courtship along with seventy other rare books and articles by Wallace D. Wattles in paperback on Amazon.

Important Note: The valuable information contained in these two articles can be applied to most any troubled relationship, marital or otherwise.

Related Pages:

A Second Courtship by Wallace D. Wattles

Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy by Wallace D. Wattles

Keep Your Eyes Peeled for These 8 Marriage Problems

There's good news and bad news on the marriage front. Fortunately, fewer marriages are ending in divorce these days than they have in years past. The bad news? The number of unhappy marriages keeps going up!

If you're terrified your marriage is one of them (or is going to become one of them), you have to take an honest look at it on a regular basis. After all, a marriage doesn't just fall apart in one day. It takes time to reach the desperate point where you're trying to figure out if you should stick it out for the kids' sake or call a divorce lawyer. If you know how to spot the signs of marriage trouble right away, the odds are you can fix them before you reach the point of no return.

Think of it like the hero in an action movie. He may get shot, run over by a car, or fall off the roof, but he manages to get up and keep going. Just when you think he's down for the count, he gets up and reaches out for help one more time. There's nothing wrong with getting up and asking for help in your marriage. And you should if you spot any of these 8 signs of marriage trouble:

1. It's not fun anymore.

You thought you married your best friend, but every time you try to do something fun, you're both miserable. Instead of ignoring your feelings, figure out what it'll take to make things fun again.

2. The compliments are long gone.

Marriage doesn't mean living a life where all you say is, "No, you're prettier". But if you and your spouse never have anything nice to say about each other, it's a big problem. It becomes an even bigger problem if those compliments have been replaced by criticism. If this compliment-less life goes on long enough, you'll both assume you can't do anything right - and you won't bother to try to do anything.

3. You live for alone time.

Everyone needs some space, but if you actually have a much better time when your spouse isn't around, your marriage is in trouble.

4. You're the real-life version of The Odd Couple.

If you're a neat-freak and he's a bit of a slob, you may resent the fact you're always cleaning up after him. The Odd Couple may be cute and endearing on a television screen, but it's anything but in real life! This is a problem that's only going to get bigger if you don't address it ASAP.

5. You don't share a financial philosophy.

Money can be a major marriage issue - especially if one of you is a spender and the other is a saver. This problem is definitely a biggie if your bills aren't getting paid, but even if they are, it's still something you need to work out.

6. You've gone from hot to cold.

The physical side of your marriage is an important one. If you've lost all sense of intimacy or sexual activity, it's a sign the love in your marriage is deteriorating. It could also be a sign one of you is having an affair.

7. You avoid the future like the plague.

Remember when it was fun to talk about your future goals and plans? If you and your spouse suddenly don't have the same goals - or refuse to talk about the future altogether - it's a problem that's only going to get worse.

8. You thought your spouse would change.

You may have spotted some of these issues before you walked down the aisle but hoped you could work your magic charm and change your spouse. But guess what? A leopard can't change his spots.

Working on your marriage can mean doing all kinds of different things. It can be as simple as resolving to communicate with your spouse more often - and doing so openly and honestly, without fear. Or, it can mean reading some marriage improvement books. Or, it can mean sitting down with a qualified therapist. Whichever route you choose to take, do it now. If you allow your emotions to spiral out of control, you may never be able to solve your marriage problems.

And sometimes, divorce really is the best option. If you've legitimately tried to fix these problems and it didn't work, don't be ashamed to get divorced. Love really isn't blind, no matter what the poetry says. If you and your spouse have determined there's no other alternative besides divorce, get it over with as soon as you can. Divorces can be devastating for the entire family, but it's better to have an amicable breakup than an emotionally-charged, negative situation that lingers and doesn't give you the opportunity to deal with it and move on.

In an article he wrote on the subject, Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy, Wallace D. Wattles wrote:

"There is much talk about marital unrest, and much criticism of the marriage institution; it is admitted by all that too many marriages are failures, and it is claimed by many that most marriages are failures; but it is not denied by any one that some marriages are successful.

To admit that five per cent of all marriages are successful is to admit that all marriages might be made successful; for the couples who compose the five per cent are not in any way different from the ninety-five per cent; they are in all walks of life, and subject to all environments and conditions; they are just average people, and if they make a success of marriage others could make a success of it by following the same methods; for like causes, under like conditions, must produce like effects.

If we stop theorizing, sermonizing, lecturing and legislating upon marriage, and apply constructive science, we shall find out the conditions of successful marriages, and learn how to create them in every case. We must study the constructive use of the forces which draw men and women into the married state and hold them there."

If you'd like to turn your unhappy marriage into a happy marriage before it's too late, I highly recommend you read Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy along with its companion article, A Second Courtship, both written by Wallace D. Wattles. The first contains Mr. Wattles' scientific remedy for marital unhappiness; the second is a fictional case study of how one man used it to save his failed marriage from an almost certain divorce. Click or tap the links below to get your copies today.

Click or tap here to get Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy and A Second Courtship along with a eighty-two other rare books and articles by Wallace D. Wattles on Amazon Kindle.

Click or tap here to get special enhanced versions of Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy, A Second Courtship, and a third rare relationship article by Wallace D. Wattles on Amazon Kindle.

No Kindle? No problem! Click or tap here to get a free Kindle reading app for your device.

Important Note: The valuable information contained in these two articles can be applied to most any troubled relationship, marital or otherwise.

7 Things That Are Ruining Your Relationship

If you think some couples just magically have a relationship full of romance and passion, think again. Good relationships take work! No matter how much two people may love each other, there's no such thing as a problem free relationship. In fact, things you may not even notice could be causing big problems!

If your relationship has fallen victim to any of these 7 things, you and your partner need to work hard to fix them. If you don't, your relationship could be ruined forever!

1. Poor communication.

"Communication" isn't the same as "talking". You and your partner may talk all the time, but if you don't have any kind of quality communication, your relationship will never thrive. For example, if one of you never bothers to listen to the other, or if one of you is always critical and demanding, you've got a major communication problem.

No matter how well the two of you know each other, you're not mind readers. If you want or need something, talk about it and encourage your partner to do the same.

2. No one's willing to compromise.

Good relationships require a lot of give and take, so if the two of you can't compromise, your relationship is never going to be successful. And, remember, there's a big difference between giving in during an argument and legitimately coming to a compromise!

3. One of you lacks self-esteem.

If you don't feel good about yourself, it's hard to feel good about other people! Self-esteem issues can make you needy, clingy, overly critical, dramatic, controlling, and jealous. None of those things is part of a good relationship!

If your partner lacks self-esteem, it's not your job to fix it. Instead, provide subtle support. For example, help your partner pick out an outfit that emphasizes their best features or help them think of a hobby that'll showcase their talents.

4. You don't know how to solve problems.

It's common for people in relationships to deny problems exist, much less solve them! Step back and take an honest look at your relationship. If there are problems, what are they? Who's responsible for them? Then, instead of assessing blame, think of ways the two of you can solve them together.

5. One of you is angry.

Nothing can kill a relationship faster than bottled-up anger. Maybe you've never REALLY dealt with past issues or arguments, or maybe you don't know how to communicate your feelings. Whatever the reason, you can't move forward until the anger is gone. You need to let your anger out - in a fair, safe, constructive way - and then move on. Until you do, your relationship can't move forward.

6. You don't spend quality time together.

No matter how busy you are, you and your partner need to set aside some time to do things you truly enjoy. Quality time isn't something you can squeeze in at the last minute so plan for it in advance. You'll naturally do some things on your own but make sure the two of you spend time together doing things that interest you.

7. You've fallen victim to outside influences.

Unfortunately, your relationship doesn't exist in a bubble. There are all kinds of external things that can put a strain on your relationship - like work stress, in-laws, stepchildren, financial issues, and health problems. If you're dealing with any of these, sit down and talk about them (there's that communication thing again!). Then, come up with positive ways to address them.

In his article Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy, Wallace D. Wattles wrote:

"There is much talk about marital unrest, and much criticism of the marriage institution; it is admitted by all that too many marriages are failures, and it is claimed by many that most marriages are failures; but it is not denied by any one that some marriages are successful.

To admit that five per cent of all marriages are successful is to admit that all marriages might be made successful; for the couples who compose the five per cent are not in any way different from the ninety-five per cent; they are in all walks of life, and subject to all environments and conditions; they are just average people, and if they make a success of marriage others could make a success of it by following the same methods; for like causes, under like conditions, must produce like effects.

If we stop theorizing, sermonizing, lecturing and legislating upon marriage, and apply constructive science, we shall find out the conditions of successful marriages, and learn how to create them in every case. We must study the constructive use of the forces which draw men and women into the married state and hold them there."

The same can be said of any relationship, marital or otherwise.

If you'd like to turn your unhappy relationship into a happy relationship before it's too late, I highly recommend you read Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy along with its companion article, A Second Courtship, both written by Wallace D. Wattles. The first contains Mr. Wattles' scientific remedy for marital unhappiness; the second is a fictional case study of how one man used it to save his failed marriage from an almost certain divorce. Click or tap the links below to get your copies today.

Click or tap here to get Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy and A Second Courtship along with a eighty-two other rare books and articles by Wallace D. Wattles on Amazon Kindle.

Click or tap here to get special enhanced versions of Marital Unhappiness: A New Remedy, A Second Courtship, and a third rare relationship article by Wallace D. Wattles on Amazon Kindle.

No Kindle? No problem! Click or tap here to get a free Kindle reading app for your device.

Important Note: The valuable information contained in these two articles can be applied to most any troubled relationship, marital or otherwise.